Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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