Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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