I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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