I met the friendliest cop last night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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