So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
