True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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