he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
