is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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