Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
