I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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