the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
