apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
