I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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