saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
