I would do horrible things to your vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah