Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
