He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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