no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
