fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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