Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize