If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
