Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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