I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
