I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
