JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize