she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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