He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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