Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
