I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
