the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
