How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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