so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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