got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
smell my finger.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
