I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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