drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
