everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
