Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
