woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
