the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
