I smell stomach acid.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
