I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
