I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
