Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
