I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
