i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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