If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
