Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
