very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
