I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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