What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize