Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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