I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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