I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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