if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
