last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
