I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i dont even know how to be here
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
