My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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