So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
