don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize