Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
